Emily. 19. Now I lay me down to sleep a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I shall die before I wake tell my friends I drank it straight.

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(Source: bilesbilllinski, via zackisontumblr)

cranapplejuiceadvocate:

me whispering to my dog in the dark: hey.. you still up?

(Source: cinnamonraisinbagel, via apparant)

intensional:

THEY ARE BREAKING UP AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAYS

rambozus:

itsmemorized:

Oh my GOD
My grandma bought my grandpa new pants and my mom asked him how they felt and he goes “like a cheaply made castle” and we were like what and he goes “no ballroom”
GRANDPA NO

Grandpa yes.

(via bastille)

stabs:

if you borrow my book and ruin it, i’ll ruin your face

(via apparant)

deathbedscene:

having siblings is weird bc like one minute u want to strangle them with their own intestines and then later ur singing dramatic duets together

(via romangod)

meladoodle:

*walks up to newborn baby* haha fuckin virgin

(Source: meladoodle, via forgave)

unclefather:

my ex sent me pics of another girl sucking his weiner one time because he thought it would make me mad and i wrote back “did your mom do something different with her hair?” 

(via interjects)

tupacabra:

i lost my virginity on the first date. never sleep with the first date you meet. dates are all assholes and they don’t even taste that good. lose your virginity to a fruit that you truly love

I like this

(via relahvant)

snorlaxatives:

waking up and realizing you still have more time to sleep

image

(via radical-illusion)